Thursday, September 27, 2007
7:37 PM
Oleh oleh oleh oleh~~!
Yo yo what's up yo! Haha..
Went to Sports Club on Wed! Finally after so many months of absentee. And I decided that I shall try to play soccer again! This has got to be my first time in years man. Haha. Been so long since I played soccer in Sports Club, and it was a really good experience. I totally enjoyed myself that night, and it brought back fond memories of the Saturdays when we would play soccer with the YF boys.
I miss those days when the YF was close-knit and warm and lovely. I miss those days when I could talk to my troubled youths and tell them that everything's gonna be alright cos God's in control. I miss those days when I'm filled with the agape love of God and would be willing to sacrifice my time for them. I miss serving God in ministry. Ever since I stepped down from being a CGL, it has never been the same again. Without the reigns of responsibility holding me, I started to slacken and became mediocre. At first I relished the break from the work, but I soon realised that's not what I wanted. Definitely not what God has planned for me. But I have no idea what to do now. I'm afraid to commit, fearful that I would not live up to expectations. Uncertain of what I can possibly contribute to the people around me. The passion, the fire, now seems like what the Bible says, being hidden under the table, covered with a lid. Maybe that's why I've been feeling so pent up nowadays.
Oh God.. What do I do? What do You want me to do? Humbly, I pray... Patiently, I await Your voice... Amen.
Wednesday, September 19, 2007
8:14 PM
RANTS!
Haha.. In PS Lect now.. I WANT TO RANT!!!
Walao.. For the first time in my NUS life I actually used the F word in a moment of exasperation and pent up frustration and disgust at my Chemistry of the Ocean mid-terms. Sucks man.. Seriously.. It should be called History of the Ocean since most of the questions are on the historical ocean exploration events. ARGGH!!!
Ok.. Nothing else to say already. Maybe later then post.. For now, I just want to go play Pirates on Facebook. =p
Saturday, September 8, 2007
3:27 AM
A song birthed in agony..
I wrote this song not cos I was sad!
Ok.. That's the disclaimer. =p I wrote this song for someone who is sad. But of cos I cannot say it's who. Anyway, this must be the toughest song I've written, thus the agony. Haha.. The chord progression is unique, and the plucking methods I use three different kinds for each segment. So, it's not the conventional type of song.. Oh wells, I've tried.. =p
How do I put in words
How would I know
This feeling's taken me
Where I shouldn't go
I miss her though I shouldn't be
I'm not the love you know
There's nothing wrong with loving thee
But I have no right to do so
But as I lay on the bed all I think of is you, it's you
This sweet sort of pain shows that my love is true, it's true
What can I do
What should I say
I'm crying cos of you
I'm crying like a fool
Oh Lord here I pray
Take away this pain
And hear what I've to say
Cos I won't say it again
How do I put in words
How would I know
This feeling's taken me
Where I shouldn't goAlrighty! I wonder how I can upload the recordings.. They're in .amr format and it's not recognised as a common media file type. =x
Wednesday, September 5, 2007
10:02 AM
just to get it off my chest before i sleep...
it's been shut tight, locked down and chained up for so long..
then came that tiny bit of hope..
that maybe..
just maybe..
and so i pondered..
and so i calculated..
and so i took that chance..
i dug up the key i buried, pried it open..
and it hurt all over again..
i think..
i'm stupid i suppose..
stupid enough to be fooled by life's games..
i hate it when the pain consumes me and causes me to tremble..
i hate the nights when it all comes rushing back and overwhelms me..
i think..
maybe..
just maybe..
it's not meant to be..
not meant to.. ____?
i want to run..
run far far away..
to a place where i won't feel anything anymore..
that place in my mind..
where noone nor anything can reach..
where nothing will be able to affect me..
the process of shutting down and out..
i think..
maybe..
just maybe..
i should start..
6:37 AM
Sentosa~!
Finally finally!!! Went to Sentosa today with my bro! YAY!!! Ok.. Overexcited there. Haha. But I'm really glad today's sun was out and I had a good time bonding with him. It feels like amidst all the school and his CCA, we've started to drift. Bennett that GGNB, and Yan Wei the addict.. Goodness.. What happened to F4?!?
Tried to read my PS readings. Stun. Totally. Catch no ball plus on top that, I keep falling asleep because of it. And the worst thing is that I cannot recall anything I've read. It feels like words just rush through my head and that's all. Sigh.. How to CAP 5 like that.. I just pray I won't fail. =x
Ok.. Emo part. You know how it is that you're standing in the midst of so many people, yet you feel entirely alone? That's how I feel. Lonely. I don't know how or why, but people somehow tend to assume that I'm surrounded with friends, Mr. Popular. Totally the opposite man. There's this phrase which I think describes my situation.
"Surrounded by many, but standing alone."
Not that I'm independent or loner or what. But it's like.. Aiyah.. I don't know. I'm rambling again. The bottom line is, I feel like I'm all alone, somehow. Sigh..
i don't know what to do.
i don't know what to say.
i dare not move, in case i frighten you away.
my MCQ paper, i have no answer.
my written essay, i cannot begin.
in dilemma i stand, it feels like torture.
Monday, September 3, 2007
8:28 PM
A Poem, A Song
Yesterday was a bad bad day. Went for my first PS Tutorial and I felt like a complete idiot in that class. Totally lost and unsure as to what to do or say. Just sat there and blanked out. Came home and was feeling rather down, but was chatting with my friend and she gave me this poem which is her favourite poem. And as I owe Carol a song, I decided that I shall turn the poem into a song for her. So, here's the poem (as my friend recalls from memory):
i carry your heart with me (i carry it in my heart)
i am never without it (anywhere i go you go, my dear;
and whatever is done by only me is your doing, my darling)
i fear no fate(for you are my fate, my sweet)
i want no world (for you are my world, my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you.
here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;
which grows higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart
i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)and here's the song:
I Carry Your Heart
VERSE 1
there's no fate i want
no world besides you
there's no other dance
no song besides you
and where you go i'll go
where you'll be i'll be with you
and what you do i'll do
what is done is me and you
PRE-CHORUS
and you are the lovely moon to me
and you are the song the sun will sing
CHORUS
i carry your heart with me
i'm never without it
i carry your heart with me
it's safe in mine
VERSE 2
you are my source
you are my life
you lift me higher than the soul can hope or hide=)